Comments about sexuality.

Posted: November 29, 2009 in Commentary, Other people's writing

Here we have Al Mohler saying that men must “earn” sex in marriage – though he tries very hard to explain that he is not saying what he is saying (HT to Anakin).

Here we have insightful commentary from Men’s News Daily about how life can be in the relational trenches of the real world.

I do not say that this latter commentary is the normal experience of all Christian marriages (though, the failure rate of Christian marriages ought to cause us to reflect on all the varied reasons why these are stressed to failure).

I do say, though, that some of our Ivory Tower thinkers are not engaged in the questions and issues that matter. It puts me in mind of those Vietnamese church leaders who, I have heard, were debating the five-year plan in the weeks leading up to the fall of Saigon.

Pastor: Porn is ubiquitous in society, isn’t it? Have you considered that gender feminism is, as well – including the minds of some believing sisters? There may be a reason why men are not lining up to marry the single Christian women in your fellowship. If you have read Dr. Mohler’s article and do not find anything that jumps out at you, please reconsider. You ought to think of the single Christian men in your fellowship who ernestly seek Him in some other fashion than Dr. Mohler’s default template of slander towards them.*

*1/2/10 Edit: Slander is a very tough word to use. I acknowledge that there are ramifications to using the word. These are the words of Dr. Mohler that are the ones being rebutted:

By contrast, consider another man. This man lives alone, or at least in a context other than holy marriage…../../….This man need not be concerned with his physical appearance, his personal hygiene or his moral character in the eyes of a wife. Without this structure and accountability, he is free to take his sexual pleasure without regard for his unshaved face, his slothfulness, his halitosis, his body odor and his physical appearance.

  1. Ame says:

    unfortunately, he took something that is profoundly serious in our culture and leaned so heavily to one side that what needs to be heard is not said, or written.

    the truth is that sexual immorality, in some form or another, is just as alluring to females as it is to males … it’s often just packaged a lot more *appropriately*.

    the idea that a husband must *earn* the opportunity to have sex with his wife is so wrong on so many levels that the whole thing just needs to be thrown out.

    the reality is that, in marriage, there are often times when one spouse desires sex when the other does not, and this is when the other needs to choose to fulfil the desires of their spouse. this is not male or female sided, it is balanced reality. while love is a choice out of which emotion flows, so is sex in a marriage. a wife, or husband for that matter, does not need to ‘feel’ like having sex to please their spouse.

    also, there is no correlation btw porn and a man needing to earn sex in marriage – that doesn’t even go together.

    porn is one thing. sex addiction is another. sex in a healthy marriage is still another.

    if he had just stuck to one topic, such as how porn affects men in marriage, then he would have been ok. but he implied that female perversion of sex is a small niche (which i do not believe is true at all), bringing in the assumption that this is an all-male issue, which it is not. if he had not brought in the idea that men need to earn sex in marriage, he would have been okay. he mixed too many things together, and they don’t all go together.

    male porn/sex addiction IS a huge problem in society and marriage. making this statement does not mean other issues are NOT problems; this stmt can be made on it’s own.

    husbands and wives being willing sex partners in marriage is a whole different topic.

    and female porn/sex addiction/sexual perversion is yet a whole different topic.

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