Attributes of the Spiritually Abusive

Posted: December 24, 2009 in Other people's writing

It happens, even in churches. Read Paul Coughlin’s commentary here.

  1. Ame says:

    this is SO true … i remember discovering the reality of “spiritual abuse” and it really opened my eyes.


    “Christ’s thumotic anger toward spiritual abusers was unleashed without apology and in public, which gave those who were being spiritually abused permission to get out from under a crushing grip. It gave them permission to affirm what they must have been pondering for a long time: These guys aren’t as good as they say they are, and somehow they’re damaging me; I don’t know how to describe it, and I don’t really understand it, but it’s messing me up and it’s got me down. Even after the cells have been opened and the razor wire has been cut down, those who’ve been imprisoned by spiritual abuse usually need someone to give them permission to leave; they require a rescuer. Can you name one rescuer who did not possess an inner heat and martial spirit?”


    “But what we often describe as a “gentle spirit” can be a mere disguise for timidity, passivity, even indifference. This makes me think again of the smashed-down pastors’ sons who’ve disguised their timidity as a gentle spirit; it’s almost always their wife or ex-wife who points out the damage that’s been done and is still being done, and by then it’s often too late for their marriage.”


    “One pastor’s son who asked me to help him overcome passivity in marriage told me how his mother’s “gentle spirit” made her the perfect Christian woman.”


    “As healers and rescuers, our proper expression of anger should be part of affirming to the abused that what happened to them was real and that it was wrong. Our anger, rightly deployed, can serve as a beacon, a lighthouse, a lamp unto their feet. Have you noticed that abusive people lie to their victims in some way or another? That’s not a coincidence. Victims need thumos people to point this out for them and to shine light on the truth with thumotic power and conviction when appropriate.”


    i’m practically crying finishing this writing of his. this describes my ex and his family all too well … and what they did to me. they were sooo ‘perfect’ all the time … until the doors were closed and no one could see or hear what they said and did.

    i remember the long, laborious, painful process of discovering these truths about them and facing them. there were many in my path who helped me open my eyes and see the truth. i can see now, from reading this article, that as the truth slowly bloomed within me, so did their anger and disdain grow toward me … and how perfectly and poignantly they unleashed it on me – and still are. now i have protection from the truth and from my husband and from strong friends. but it is still soooo very hard for me. they will NEVER take any responsibility and continue to blame me in such devious and subtle ways. my girls know that they are never to mention my name around them b/c they hate me so.

    thank you for sharing this. i needed the validation that THEY are the abusers, the perpetrators.

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