Relationship tip #1

Posted: March 9, 2010 in For brothers, Relationship thoughts

Ask her if she thinks that any of her experiences in churches, schools, and life have conditioned her towards conflict with men. Remember to listen.

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Comments
  1. pausebetween2notes says:

    relationship tip#1:

    not sure if anyone would really tell the truth even if you were to ask this question.

    i think observations of the lady in questions should be made in different settings. to most people, they would think they are normal and nothing is wrong with them. it would take self reflection and awareness to know something is wrong w/ us and most often than not, a loving friend who would risk the friendship to speak the truth in the right timing and right words to bring home a point.

    truths are often difficult to hear and more difficult to accept.

    people only show what they want others to see. our conclusion of them would be more accurate from our observations of them in different situations.

  2. LadyElaine80 says:

    I agree with both previous commenters. I personally believe that people don’t just only show what they want others to see. I think that people also show what they think others want to see, based on previous experiences and what they’ve been taught.

    So I guess the big questions would be:
    What is your definition of conflict? Is it good? Bad? Why?
    How do you deal with someone disagreeing with you?
    Is someone disagreeing with you the same as disrespecting you?

    How do you end conflict?

  3. Ame says:

    LadyElaine wrote: “Is someone disagreeing with you the same as disrespecting you?”

    that hits a huge ‘nerve’ with me. my ex was big on that … if i disagreed with him on anything at all, he saw it as a sign of disrespect. then, if the think i disagreed on turned out to be right, and i had kept silent about it to avoid conflict, he would then turn on me again and accuse me of … well, whatever he wanted to b/c it was always, always my fault. and no matter what ‘it’ was (and i mean it could have been as simple as saying something like, “if we go to the hardware store before the cleaners, we would then be closer to the third errand we wanted to run rather than farther away”) he would find a way to place blame and accusation on me.

    he and both his parents were heavy on me on anything they deemed to be ‘disrespectful’ … and that included anything that disagreed with them even in the slightest or most neutral non-issue type of thing. they were always right; i was always wrong. even when i was right, i was wrong.

    so, i tend to become defensive when someone begins to tell me i’m being ‘disrespectful’ … but i’m working on it 🙂

  4. ladyelaine80 says:

    @ame:

    I hear ya….which is one of the problems that I struggle with. A part of me feels like in order to relate to Christian men nowadays, I have to scale back my opinion, as any disagreement automatically puts me in the “contentious woman” category….

  5. singlextianman says:

    And here I was talking about something else entirely.

    The thought I was trying to provoke in both men and women reading was something like: “Does the gender feminist miasma* in the popular culture act as poison to your relationships?”

    *gender feminism = men are stupid, bad, etc.
    *Equality feminism = something else than what I’m talking about.

  6. pausebetween2notes says:

    singlextianman:

    🙂 well, a discussion came about despite different intent.

    well, with your point about gender feminism, from my culture, the role of man has always been portrayed to be the stronger, better, more intelligent of the two genders. recently there were a spade of prominent men who were found to induged in preying on younger women outside of marriage. yet, in those situations, their wives stood by them (well, at least in public) and people in general were having this view that it is inevitable men stray, and for the sake of the children, they should stay together…etc.

    there was another analysis by a journalist in the local paper about this v dysfunctional view that if anything and everything that’s wrong is attributed to the women and that if men stray away in marriage (rightly or wrongly), the women is at fault and society expects the women to forgive the men and stay in marriage for the family.

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