Aphorism #16

Posted: September 15, 2010 in Aphorism, For brothers, For sisters

The wise single Christian woman will recognize that her ego needs pruning from time to time.

  1. Anonymous says:

    The wise Christian should recognize that the ego needs pruning….there is no need to differentiate here between the genders. Those that need pruning, need pruning…. bottom line. Men and women are both susceptible to arrogance.

  2. Anonymous says:

    So nice to see yet another critical comment about women juxtaposed to an encouragement to men. So men’s egos are to be built (and women are to be a key part of this) while women’s ego are to be pruned (and men are to be part of this pruning). Lovely…care to elaborate?

    So what builds women’s egos and who can prune a man’s?? Can a man not help build a woman’s ego (and why not bring this into the aphorism?). Why the constant sustaining of the animosity between the genders?

    It almost comes off as a knee-jerk reaction to something seen in the past week (a response to a woman nagging her man or an arrogant woman).

    Of I am in this moment not perhaps building your ego….too bad…

  3. singlextianman says:

    Hi, anon: Glad to see you reading. I don’t see any animosity being stoked, here; not on my part. Perhaps you are seeing, so to speak, “red flags” – let us examine this matter, bearing in mind that we are responsible for our words.

    The aphorism directed at men was intended as an affront to what I will call (with apologies to the Special Olympics, which does excellent work) a kind of “Special Olympics” mindset in which lots of attaboys and so forth are thought to be essential to building the character of the Christian man, given in response to things like successfully memorizing a bible verse. I think it is self evident that we can see this kind of mindset in the way we raise our young men. To try to frame the matter more clearly, consider that you are not likely to have ever seen, for example, the teaching of martial arts bound up with a strong Christian ethic in Sunday School; nor have you ever heard, say, of a single men’s group talking about how to flirt with a woman, let alone talk to her.

    This particular thing which has been putting a bug in your ear — whiskey tango foxtrot?

    There is nothing in my comment to tell you that I think a “man” needs to be doing the pruning of that lady’s ego; nor that a man does not need to have his ego pruned. A wise lady will have encountered, at some point in her looking after Him, a place wherein she is seeking out that pruning; as in fact a will have happened to a man.

    You have not read other key things in this blog if you think the things you seem to say you think. Perchance you should put a cork in it or make a straight up accusation against me; alternatively, as tea steeps water, you might reflect on the general trend of ideas here.

    For myself, a woman who has not come to this place does not have a great deal of potential as a life partner. The way that the lady’s instinct to nurture is affected when her ego becomes outsized has a particular effect on a relationship; I seek to warn the Single Christian man against such a thing. Certainly a Single Christian man can have an ego problem. Watch this page for commentary about that. But you may have to wait until it pleases me for the frog to jump.

  4. Anonymous says:

    It’s the juxtaposition of a man needing to have his ego built up (with the woman honoring that goal and encouraging that development) with the SOLE admonition that women should be wise enough to realize that she should have HER ego pruned that made it suspect. It’s hardly an unreasonable conclusion….notice the fact that for the men, you have made a positive observation and for the women you have made a negative one. Words have meaning and the absence of them certainly garners suspicion. Why the willingness to leave men out of the pruning? Why the willingness to place the target on women? Why not discuss both in the same post to dispel confusion…unless, of course, there was intent to place the target on women.

    Yes, there was an assumption, and I gladly realize that error…mine was the assumption that you were implying men should do the pruning (although whether you meant that or not it certainly is a common idea and if you had expounded upon your comments like you do now, there would be no issue) but on the other hand I still maintain that there is no reason whatsoever to single women out in that post. THAT, yes, does annoy me. And reading through those two posts I am left thinking whisky tango foxtrot myself.

    You are certainly welcome to disagree but posting such vague and one-sided comments with regards to the genders would seem to invite ambiguity and confusion….and to withhold such important information to the single Christian man in order to avoid being seen as “jumping to please me” seems rather….well, egotistical. Talk about ego! 😉 I would hope that any life partner of mine wouldn’t let a trifling matter of a commenter commenting distract me from my goal….:-P

    YOu would certianly, for instance, be suspicious of any woman who created a blog who made these sorts of comments, one-sided, about men and women (be honest, would you think her a nag? a bitch?)

    Just out of curiosity….what would you describe as nurturing? (with regards to women nurturing a man….concrete examples if you please…is there not room for honest criticism? of critiquing? as well as encouraging? of debates? )

  5. singlextianman says:

    Free to disagree? Why, thank you for extending this to me on my own blog.

    I invite you to go back to what I wrote about the man and self esteem; and who it is that is building it. There are women — maybe you know one or two — who have a solipsistic mindset that equates self-esteem with “ego.” It would not be wise at all of me to ignore that reality.

    ….Start a comment thread there if you like; perhaps you can offer your view – drawing from your wisdom — as to what a foolish Christian woman does to a Christian man who builds himself by doing hard things. Perchance by comparing what the foolish Christian woman and the wise Christian woman do in response to what the wise Christian man is doing we can make some progress.

  6. Anonymous says:


    I am in no way disagreeing with the comment per se. I am disagreeing with your presentation of the comment, especially when seen with your so encouraging comment towards men. Of course I have seen foolish women, I have been foolish at times, I will in all likelihood be foolish at times. SHoot, I reserve plenty of scorn for women. Happily, however, I don’t see the need to create disparity in my criticism. Men are equally as foolish, equally susceptible to idiotic notions, and equally as susceptible to arrogance and ego. (the little turf wars I get to see even in church politics between men? anyone?). All of us struggle with these sins, and all of us as Christians are being sanctified by Christ, Praise Him! That is, after all, the heart of the sin nature.

    You use ego as an encouragement for men and as criticism for women. When you elaborate about women’s role, I absolutely agree, I have no issue and champion that idea. Men are awesome, men are wonderful, and should be encouraged. The frustration has ALWAYS been the disparity with the posts, not with the truth of the posts. Are women not to have self-esteem? And are men to have a role in that? THAT’S what I am seeing. A disparity between the application. (it’s frustrating to ALWAYS hear that men are to be assigned the tasks while women….women? gee, they get to be cheerleaders….For someone who cannot rest her esteem on motherhood and IS working and doing good things for Him, the constant platitudes that women are to encourage the men and let them take on the hard tasks can often be discouraging to hear,…not to mention hearing that the working woman seems to be the root cause of all economic collapse…rolls eyes)

    Look, if I posted a blog trumpeting the need for men to have their ego pruned or for the mature man realizing that his ego pruned and on the same page lauding women’s need to have their ego built and men honoring that, would you not feel puzzled at the disparity? Good grief, you posted a link to another blog that essentially criticized women for doing exactly that.

    I’m just offering what I read and interpreted in your comments. I described the posts to a few of my colleagues and all of them interpreted it the same…I’m not alone in the puzzlement over the disparity. Take it for what it’s worth, obviously it is your blog. I’m saying it comes off as hurting women. This is coming from a woman and a few other women as well. You can take it and see something worthwhile to perhaps use in the future or you can simply tell me to “put a cork in it”…it’s not helpful in healing the rift between the sexes to post such disparate posts. I would never think to do so and most of the women of my acquaintance would never do so (and if the women of your acquainance would, then you need to broaden your acquaintances) and I know most of the men I know would not do so.

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