Archive for the ‘For brothers’ Category

Ask her if she thinks anger is equal to murder; as some think Christ equates them in His teaching. Ask her if she thinks a man can divorce his wife if she desires for a single moment for a man that does not belong to her. Ask her if she thinks she can biblically divorce a husband for seeing and reacting to porn.

If she does not respect you while dating, she will not respect you while married.

Credo #21: Works

Posted: May 3, 2012 in Aphorism, For brothers

– Don’t expect God to do your work. You will wait a loooooong time and may not see anything come of this.

– Don’t do yourself the work that is God’s to do. You are likely to get in His way.

Notions like forgiveness and mercy are different things than the notion of “good ignoring skills.” Good ignoring skills are a useful tool for any single Christian man; though like any tool it can be turned to evil purpose. Even simple incompetence with this tool can enable you to crush a brother warrior; so be careful with it. But used well it is a good complement to your set of tools — it can keep you, for example, from doing someone else’s work for them; which is bad for both of you. But the take away here is that “good ignoring skills” is a different thing than either mercy or forgiveness.

And no single Christian man should ignore ruminating on this.

A woman whose conception of her life with God is one of talking with her friends at church and emoting about her feelings with them is going to take the same conception of God — and more importantly, her duty towards Him — into any God ordained activity, such as marriage.  Whether she thinks of it this way or not is immaterial.  If she fundamentally believes that God’s understanding of what her duty is to Him is to talk with her friends in church about her feelings about things, this is what she is going to bring into battle with you against your adversaries.   

And any SXM can think long and deeply about this.

I commend to your reading The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis.

I link here to an article containing the excerpt relevant to this Credo.


Do recall the impact of this man Lewis, so large that even the secular world takes note of him. He wrote this and much of his other material while he was a single Christian man.

I am, perhaps, the only male in North America who does not follow American football; but I do follow a bit of professional baseball. This may have to do with my Sigma personality and an upbringing that involved sandlot baseball and closely following the Detroit Tigers, and running crosscountry (a solitary, lone wolf kind of sport) in my formative years.

Thus; my metaphor…. My virtual acquintance, writing under the psuedonym ‘Amir Larijani’, has written a few pieces that knock the ball out of the park. You will find them here, here, here, and also here.

An excellent post to mull over while you prepare for marriage.

Another great posting from that Single Christian man writing from New Zealand.

I find myself often gaining insight and encouragement from this man’s writings; and read him often. I commend them to you as well.

Credo #27: Mercy

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Credo, For brothers

Forgiveness is a separate notional matter than walking in mercy. A good conceptual way to “frame” the difference between the two is something like “paying both trust and forgiveness forward.” Now, it’s possible to go all Pharasaical with this, and try to make others, or yourself, feel condemned for not being merciful enough; or to attempt to press people to show you mercy. We are, in fact, in the full counsel of scripture, commanded to not do things like show unsanctified mercy . Think of mercy as a kind of “bias” towards people, rather than a chain that forbids you from protecting yourself and others.

“Grace” is also something else than “mercy.”

For a good working definition, think of mercy not as the withholding of judgement but rather the canceling of judgement; the dissipation of judgement. This is something that can be very hard; I know this. Your test may not be whether you blow off the waitress messing with your lunch order; it may in fact be something like surrendering up to God some of the worse pains and betrayals that life, and people, can throw at you.