Archive for the ‘For sisters’ Category

The opening dialogue  box on ChristanCafe’s standard profile begins by asking:

Describe the type of relationship you are looking for. What qualities would you like in this relationship or person? Are you seeking a particular age range?

Here, not redacted or edited, is what one lady espied there says:

“WOW!!! I am looking for what God promised in His Word. I am looking for someone to love me like He loved the Church. I am looking for someone who I can be a helpmate to, some to love, honor and respect. I am looking for someone who can be the head of my household. I am looking for someone who will allow his heart to safely trust in me. I know that is a lot to ask for but that is what he promised and I am not willing to settle for less.”

I shake my head in astonishment at whatever pastoring produced this mindset in this lady.  Perhaps said pastor(s) will get around someday to publishing a hermaneutic for men to come to such conclusions about what they are “promised” by God in His word.


A woman whose conception of her life with God is one of talking with her friends at church and emoting about her feelings with them is going to take the same conception of God — and more importantly, her duty towards Him — into any God ordained activity, such as marriage.  Whether she thinks of it this way or not is immaterial.  If she fundamentally believes that God’s understanding of what her duty is to Him is to talk with her friends in church about her feelings about things, this is what she is going to bring into battle with you against your adversaries.   

And any SXM can think long and deeply about this.

I am, perhaps, the only male in North America who does not follow American football; but I do follow a bit of professional baseball. This may have to do with my Sigma personality and an upbringing that involved sandlot baseball and closely following the Detroit Tigers, and running crosscountry (a solitary, lone wolf kind of sport) in my formative years.

Thus; my metaphor…. My virtual acquintance, writing under the psuedonym ‘Amir Larijani’, has written a few pieces that knock the ball out of the park. You will find them here, here, here, and also here.

An excellent post to mull over while you prepare for marriage.

I call to your attention this on-line posting by Josh Harris, Senior Pastoral authority at the Sovereign Grace Ministry’s flagship church. Of particular note to me is the acknowledgement of harm done to fellow believers in the area of their approaches to dating.

I have greater issues with some of the methodologies and thinking in the SGM movement than just this, but this is a huge thing.

In my lifetime I have both witnessed and experienced pastoral abuse of the type vaguely referred to insofar as dating and courtship is concerned. I imagine that ministries like and helped in their own way to bring the Holy Spirit’s light — and the light of open discussion — to these things. Time will tell if real change is coming to SGM.

Why comment on these matters again? Because of the way some single Christian men have been treated in some fellowships for things like taking a woman out to eat, or otherwise socializing with her in purity. These things being both sinful and offensive to the man as well as his Father.

I recently wrote an Aphorism about ballroom dance being useful for mitigating certain effects of Evangelical culture. While it had been known to me that author Paul Coughlin had taken some tango lessons with his wife, it is just today that I discovered this old posting of his. 

It so happens I have a passing degree of  skill on the floor, as does, I gather, John Immel who edits SpiritualTyranny linked to from my blogroll.    At some point I will address the fear-based reasoning regnant in some churches about this topic, but not today.

See you on the floor.

I have previously brought this essay by Paul Coughlin to your attention, and now I bring this one to your attention as well. Good for SXMs to read as well as Single Christian Women; preferably together over a cup of tea or your libation of choice. These two essays thumbnail the destructive possibilities of trying to squeeze women into the “sugar and spice” mold. Thus there are educational opportunities for both men and women to be had.