Archive for the ‘Relationship thoughts’ Category

Ian Ironwood is the pseudonym of the author who writes this piece at his blog.  He describes himself as a pagan, and also seems to have some peripheral role in what he calls the “sex industry”.    Fine.  I’m pulling the pin on the grenade on that one.   He has more wisdom than half of some pastors on certain topics.     The linked article is one of those wisdom – filled pieces you should think on.   The organized fellowship is sometimes full of women who are happy to help a woman think the worst of her man or to try to cloud her thinking in other ways; and who are not even aware that they are doing this.    Some of them, frankly, are.     Think on this piece and meditate on it.    If you marry, there will be two people in the marriage.  Neither the pastor, your best friend, or her best friend, are the other person.      The community has its place in a marriage, and the marriage in the community, for that matter.    But the place for that community is behind you and with you — not between you two.  And a whining, complaining “best friend” for her does not a community make.

Just once, I would like those egalitarians who think that a man “looking at a woman with lust in his heart” can be divorced by his spouse for that, it being, as they see it, “adultery”  — just once, I’d like to hear them say a man could divorce a woman for the same offense.

Single Christian man blogger Wintery Knight hits one out of the park.    The take away quote:


“One of my favorite questions to ask women who I am courting is “If we were married for a day, legally, and before God, what are some of the things that you would want to do to me and for me?”

If you are a single Christian woman and are wondering if this is narcissistic and where this is going, please consider that many of your sisters have not yet heard that there are two people in a marital relationship, or have glossed this over.      Asking the question the other way is fine, too.


If she does not respect you while dating, she will not respect you while married.

Seen on the interwebs: Men are like Bluetooth; and women are like Wi-Fi. Women are like Wi-Fi because she sees all available devices and connects with the strongest one; and men are like Bluetooth because they connect to the device they are near to; and seek to connect to another device if the first one is not near.

Now, this is intended as satire that contains a kernel of truth; so one does not need to go all Vulcan about it. One needs to ruminate on this because that kernel of truth is ignored at the cost that comes with ignoring any truth. You will be happier as a man in a relationship if you are strong; and so will she. She will be happy if she can rest in the quality and durability of the connection she has with you; and you want in your soul to be able to trust both her and yourself.

A woman whose conception of her life with God is one of talking with her friends at church and emoting about her feelings with them is going to take the same conception of God — and more importantly, her duty towards Him — into any God ordained activity, such as marriage.  Whether she thinks of it this way or not is immaterial.  If she fundamentally believes that God’s understanding of what her duty is to Him is to talk with her friends in church about her feelings about things, this is what she is going to bring into battle with you against your adversaries.   

And any SXM can think long and deeply about this.

An excellent post to mull over while you prepare for marriage.

*Actually, the first time I’ve done a post like this.

This week finds two great posts in particular: From Dalrock and also from Brendan, commenting over at singlemind.


It so happened that I met a lady some time ago on ChristianCafe; and in the course of the getting-to-know you dialogue she was reading my profile. She did not think very highly of this posting and wanted to dispute it with me, so she did; but not by any straightforward measure. E-mail, to start with, is not the best way to communicate; all kinds of contextual clues like facial gestures get stripped out, and people often write very differently than they speak. Those are givens. She was, however, pretty sure it was a RED FLAG!! in her words that I declined to discuss it further unless in person. Apparently she had found evidence that I was lacking in integrity in my unwillingness to discuss the matter unless in person.

The real red flag was her combativeness; but it was a red flag for me; she was comfortable with making an accusation against my integrity not for something I wrote, but because of the way I handled the dialog. She was in error.

Why this posting? Not to kvetch about her. I’m glad she revealed herself. My point for the Christian brother: Women will show “red flag” behavior as well. It seems pointless that this even should have to be voiced, right? But I think it needs to be, especially for the believing single man in a fellowship that does not admit that women have an old nature as well, and a need to mature; just as a man does.

This is not a bad idea to think on; neither shameful nor evil. They both ate, and you have corrupting influence of original sin in your own human nature, as well. I’m just advising you not to pedestalize women, even Christian ones.

I recently wrote an Aphorism about ballroom dance being useful for mitigating certain effects of Evangelical culture. While it had been known to me that author Paul Coughlin had taken some tango lessons with his wife, it is just today that I discovered this old posting of his. 

It so happens I have a passing degree of  skill on the floor, as does, I gather, John Immel who edits SpiritualTyranny linked to from my blogroll.    At some point I will address the fear-based reasoning regnant in some churches about this topic, but not today.

See you on the floor.