The pay is the same

In Credo #72 I wrote: The pay is the same. Check out this Breakpoint commentary which says the same thing a better way.

Relationship tip #2

Ask her what the phrase “head of household” means to her.

Rooting for the Saints, so to speak

I am, as it happens, one of the few males in North America who gives only superficial attention to football. My own athletic accomplishments in High School, such as they were, were in Cross Country running. Being that as it may, and being that this is Super Bowl Sunday; and being that the Saints are playing, I thought I’d share a bit of Christian music trivia.

Picture in your mind’s eye the tune of “House of the Rising Sun” — a song about a brothel in New Orleans. Then add the lyrics of “Amazing Grace.” The result is something like this.

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edit: It so happens that the Saints won. I saw a clip on the tube to the efffect that the local Bishop, or Monsignor, or whomever, had performed Mass before the game wearing a Saints Jersey. Truly pulling out all the stops.

Strange but true

An exchange with a lady in the last few days covered the idea of praying with someone on a date.

This lady, a graduate of a professional program from a nationally recognized Christian university, said she would never pray with a man on the first date. Her reasoning in this was that some guy had prayed with her one, and apparently did something that creeped her out on the way home.

I am not making this up.

Credo #67: Don’t waste your desert

This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry; the cloud is black before it breaks, and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist, heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison. So have far better men found it. The scouring of the vessel has fitted it for the Master’s use. Immersion in suffering has preceded the baptism of the Holy Ghost. Fasting gives an appetite for the banquet. The Lord is revealed in the backside of the desert, while his servant keepeth the sheep and waits in solitary awe. The wilderness is the way to Canaan. The low valley leads to the towering mountain. Defeat prepares for victory.

C.H. Spurgeon

The Minister’s Fainting Fits, Lectures to My Students, Lecture XI, 1856.

Relationship tip #3

Ask her if she is willing to accept that you will never refer to her as your “better half.”

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Edit: I did not say that you should not say this. I said that you should — for both your sake’s, and for that of the relationship — that you should ask this. There are a number of reasons to do this; I will only say that you should think of this bit of advice from Singlextianman as something akin to a Zen Koan.

Blast from the past

It so happens that when my ex wife left for another person I was advised by a Christian attorney (who was also a lay marriage advisor in his fellowship) to get a separation agreement early in the process. I did in fact press my “ex” in this; and got a little flak from a few people — not a lot, a little — for this. One of those flak-givers was a pastor’s spouse, a real comforter of Job she was. The “fact” of my having a separation agreement on hand was thought to be evidence, I suppose, for not being whole-hearted about reconciliation. In the State of my residence, as it further so happens, separation agreements are seen by the courts as pretty much legally binding contracts; whereas pre-nuptial contracts have a lot of “give” in them by the time the lawyers get to squabbling; and in the various States there are horror stories of Family Law judges pretty much discarding the language in these documents. It so happened that my ex was of the mindset at that time that things would work out with the new guy, so the terms were fair.

I have previously written here about reforms that are needed in Family Law; my point today is this: If you have found your way to this posting by way of a search engine, and are in a situation similar to what mine was, do not hesitate at all to push for your legal standing and rights to be protected.

In my case, after my ex’s affair eventually crashed to earth, she was blistering in anger towards me; believing, as she put it, that she “could have had everything.” She was not correct completely about this; I doubt it would be as clean-cut. But things were clean cut in my case because I had, prompted by the Holy Spirit and the advice of an attorney, moved to protect myself.

I write this post simply to authenticate for you and acknowledge for you that you need protection and are not sinning by seeking it. Don’t be an ass about this. But don’t be road pizza either.

Credo #68: Daily Manna, or “no coasting”

You will not succeed by “coasting” in your life with God on the strength and understandings of days past. Like the Israelites of days past, who required a daily provision of manna, you require a “daily” provision of manna.

In terms of relations with a woman, should you be blessed by God to have one, you must daily have wisdom (especially in the face of a secular culture hostile to Godly unions) as to how to nurture and protect it. Relying on inertia or past success is the path to failure. I speak from bitter experience: Keep moving upstream.

Elusive Wapiti speaks

I link here to an essay by Elusive Wapiti about his experiences of late, having to do with discovering what is going on in the mind of his “ex.” I’ve posted it here because I want to add his perspective to your understanding if you are considering a relationship with a priorly married woman. I do not say that one should not consider such a thing; rather I suggest that you be wise and discerning if you do. This article might help you towards such a place.

Why our happiness is so sad

This powerful piece by Paul Coughlin is truly something to meditate upon, particularly if you are a pastor or church leader who looks anything at all like the individuals described in it.

Nearly prophetic in its power.